Out of moves

I just can’t get back up. How many times can a person get knocked down in one life and not break? I want to go home so badly. I want to see my Matt’s freckles and hug my Riley. But there’s nowhere to go and I’m out of moves. Once I’m home I can apply … Continue reading Out of moves

Kirsten and Mom

Dear Mom, This isn’t because there’s something wrong with me, which is what you and Kirsten would like to believe; what soothes you to believe so that your consciences don’t bother you. It’s because the load on me has been too much for too long, and in your Barbecue Becky White Woman Entitlement you can’t … Continue reading Kirsten and Mom

PTSD mind barf

In the past few weeks, I’ve had a clarity of mind that I pray continues. It’s the freedom of PTSD symptoms that’s done it, but the absence of those symptoms doesn’t mean the absence of pain.  PTSD is what my brain has been doing, which is very different from what my brain has been thinking … Continue reading PTSD mind barf

Dirty laundry

Growing up, we were always told not to hang our dirty laundry in public.  It’s a good rule, except when what’s going on at home is more sinister than the run-of-the-mill messes that most families work through. Sometimes, it’s what bullies tell their children so that they are never held responsible for their abusive behaviors, … Continue reading Dirty laundry

Nottingham, part 1

I think that I’m in the wrong place. Please spare me any reassurances that I’m exactly where I need to be or that everything happens for a reason; those are pithy sayings printed on pastel placards intended to be hung in the bathrooms of suburbia by those who aren’t ultimately responsible for the bills that … Continue reading Nottingham, part 1

Three days

It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?  A lifetime. I’ll begin in the middle and apologize in advance for the lack of background information.  There is a hint of sunlight at the edge of the forest for the first time in a long time, and I have no desire to turn back towards the darkness … Continue reading Three days