Three days

12 thoughts on “Three days”

    1. It might get a bit worse before it gets better! Today I realized that I was finally angry, and I gots me some thangs that really need saying. Hold onto your hat. But! If you don’t have a hat, then GO GET ONE, and THEN hold onto it, k?

        1. It feels so tacky, Jim. I just don’t know how to stop feeling like a piece of garbage or like I’m invisible. I’m trying so hard not to fall through the cracks.

  1. Love. And love, and love, and love to you. ❤

    Your news was a punch because I can imagine some of your pain. I am so sad to hear, but so pleased that you have turned your face up to the sun. PTSD knocked me flat in the last 20 months too. I was terminated from my job because I just couldn't keep it together. And now, six months after leaving, I'm feeling stronger, and sleeping better. If you didn't already know it, there are people like me who will take courage from your brave words spoken here. So thank you.

    I am delighted to "see" you again. Glad that I hear hope and strength in your words. Touched by your poetry. Virtual hugs are on their way.

    1. Thank you so much Crystal! I will send love and support right back at you. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling with this same thing, too. I have never experienced anything like this before, and it’s kinda terrifying, isn’t it?

      1. Thanks for the love. Yes, terrifying. I’ve had two good therapists to help me learn ways to manage it. Now it’s hard not to be mad. It’s not fair, and I’m angry. It’s not fair that you are suffering. I don’t want anyone to know what it’s like. But… ok… time to take a deep breath and find enough joy and beauty in each day to make me glad to be here.

        If it isn’t too personal, did your trauma happen 20 months ago, or did you begin having the symptoms 20 months ago?

        1. Funny that you should mention anger! All of a sudden I’m so angry that I feel like I’m crackling with it. I should have been angry a long time ago, but it’s as if only now as the ptsd symptoms have eased do I have energy free to do more than cope.

          The acute trauma- the assault and rape-occurred Sept 22-23, 2017, and I was first diagnosed in Jan 2018. It was a relief to have a name for what was happening, because the symptoms themselves were so distressing.

          The situation was very bad, and in retrospect I see that I first had ptsd symptoms in November 2016. I knew that what was occurring then was very traumatic, but I didn’t understand what was happening to me: constant shaking and fight or flight, confusion, panic, flashbacks. It terrified me, and I had to shut the business for a few months because that’s not a state one can be in when doing that type of physically demanding detailed work.

          The anger is important and necessary. I’m glad that, for me, the anger has arrived hand and with enough clarity of mind to be able to meditate for the first time in years. The meditation will be the best medicine.

          1. It is awful that that happened to you. It is spirit-crushing. You are strong to address the assault in your blog.

            My traumas in the military happened when I was 19 and 20. Trying to forget and never telling a soul what happened, I spent a lifetime coming up with coping strategies that caused more problems. My job the last ten years was working with disabled vets, which was triggering enough, but then the #metoo movement went viral in October 2017 and it was in the news every single day. I can manage a couple things at a time, but not that many things, and that’s when my symptoms got to be too much. I wouldn’t be surprised if that media coverage amplified your symptoms as well. I’m glad you have a diagnosis and can approach it in a healthy way. I envy your clarity of mind, and your meditation. Be well sister.

      1. Yes, absolutely it makes sense! Also, please don’t forget to be epically gentle and kind with yourself, always, but especially now.

        And seriously, my jaw dropped when I got a notification you had posted. I am so sorry for the shit storm, yet it really is so good to read your words 💜💜

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