“Uh-oh, the goldfish are mating,” says Riley, as he snacks on Pepperidge Farm Rainbow Goldfish.
“What do you mean, ‘mating‘?” I ask.
“Mom, do you really need me to explain this to you?”
I walk over to see that Riley has paired up the goldfish crackers into matching color couples: red with red, green with green, orange with orange, purple with purple.
“I think you’re imposing your own values on them,” I say, “maybe an orange would like a green, or a purple might like a red. I think you’re being a goldfish-racist.”
“No,” says Riley, shaking his head. “Uh-uh. Studies have shown that goldfish crackers are only attracted to other goldfish crackers that look like them.”
“Studies have shown this?” I ask. “They’ve studied the mating habits of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish?”
“Yeah. They have. On studies.com. So, who’s the goldfish racist now, huh?”