1. Obama facilitating in leu of leading. Dude, I hate to say it, but we need a decider. Barack, I’m serious. You’re officially on my nerves, so enough with the studies and the committees. Less talk, more action. And all those things we voted you in to do? Do them. Do SOMETHING.
2. Fox News. Are you people living in the same world as the rest of us? You frighten me.
3. Religious superiority. What makes you more right than anyone else?
4. Cleaning my house. Perhaps it’s not so much the cleaning, as the continuous dirtying that’s fixin’ to irritate me.
5. Being broke. I won’t regret doing right by my children, I won’t regret doing right by my children. I’ll repeat it like a mantra every time my bank balance sickens me.
6. Not having health insurance.
7. Porn stars. Naked beach soccer in celebration of the World Cup. Really? Your enormous fake boobs freak me out, and you’re going to get sand in your culie.
8. Lack of sex. Seriously, I’m wasting some good years, here.
9. The wrinkles under my eyes. Now, if I’d been having really good sex while I got these wrinkles, I might feel differently. In fact, really good sex might make everything on this list less irritating. Good sex might make this day less irritating, and it might also make my headache go away. If I were having really good sex right this minute, I don’t think I’d care that my kitchen looks like a blast zone, and I might also be much less annoyed by those nakie soccer-playing porn stars. I think we’ve identified the real problem.
10. The unknown. Like, when is the good sex going to start? And of course, the health insurance, the money, the future….blah, blah….what about the sex?