I deserve a wall

5 Jan

It won’t be necessary to buy me a grave plot when I die.   Simply lay me out somewhere nice, and cover me with all the gems I’ve purchased but never set.  I’ve already accumulated a hefty stash, and if my ultimate demise occurs at around 95 years old (the women in my family being quite long-lived),  I should have enough loose gems by then to create a burial mound similar to the Bartlow Hills Roman burial mounds in Cambridgeshire, England.  You know: a small hill, big enough that one is out of breath when one reaches the top.

Bartlow Hills Roman burial mounds

However, with my mother’s help, I could potentially have enough gems for a mound like this one, in Ireland:

Newgrange, Ireland

I like the wall.  The wall is a nice touch, and if I’ve accumulated enough loose gems to create this size burial mound then I deserve a wall.  The public deserves a wall.  If you wanted to make the wall out of gold,  that would be appropriate.  My final resting place would then be, in essence, the world’s largest gem setting.   I plan to leave behind many heart-broken lovers, and I think they would be happy to help with the financing of the gold wall.  They will miss me, and it will help them in their time of grief to have a project to keep them busy.

My recent visit with my Mom, who is not a spy, yielded more than warm and fuzzy holiday memories.  It yielded an awesome pair of boots.  It yielded several items from my favorite shopping venue: Mom’s Closet (“take it, Babe.  You’ll wear it more than I will.  And I have another just like it in The Netherlands.”)  But boots and clothes can’t be used in my burial mound, so we won’t talk about them. And it yielded this:

The latest castoffs

These are the most recent cast-offs, the extras.   This is the stuff she doesn’t wear anymore (“Babe, I haven’t worn it in years. Years!”), not to be confused with the broken jewelry and orphan earrings I’ve received in the past.  This load contains the second claddagh ring she’s given me.  This is only a portion of what she tried to give me.

I’ve received piles like this one before, but this one is particularly gem-loaded.   Other than the  five stones on the right, these are all tourmaline, because one can never have enough tourmaline, can one?   My mother feels responsible for singlehandedly supporting Maine’s economy, and so when she is there she purchases every tourmaline available, even if it isn’t a tourmaline from Maine.

Some of this will go back to her, but Vaka-fied.  I can’t bear to watch her part with the gorgeous rectangular Paraíba tourmaline, and so I’ve talked her into letting me reset that as a pendant.  It’ll be beautiful up by her face, as her eyes are almost the same color.  The deep red oval garnet ring was a gift from a friend, but the 22k setting is too dinner-ringy for my Mom’s taste.  I’ll work that bit of gorgeousness into something more Molly-esque, something she can wear everyday.   My Mom makes a habit of destroying hollow gold bangle bracelets, and so when I melt down the enormous collar necklace I’ll make a solid skinny bangle, or two, for her.  Recycle, recycle, recycle.

So, my gem-hoarding ways?  It’s obviously my mother’s fault; a genetic trait I’m unable to fight.  I’m the Bling Padawan to her Bling Jedi Master.  I’m the novice bling nun to her Mother Theresa of Bling.

When she dies we’ll make her ashes into a diamond, and I might even let her share my burial mound.

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8 Responses to “I deserve a wall”

  1. andrea January 7, 2010 at 5:54 pm #

    Okay, I have the coat, the wig, have to locate the hat. Camera check, pen, check. For other security reasons I will keep the day and time to myself and will get back to you when the mission is completed.

    hey! I think I need a very cool recon name, what about Foxy Lady or Cougar (since I am officially into my 40’s), think up something good. It is awfully boring here during the winter months, this will give me something to do, other than shovel snow.

  2. andrea January 7, 2010 at 1:00 am #

    Dang hit the wrong key ignore the first oops. I live in Montana, there is a yogo sapphire jewelry store that is just brimming with those gems. Just say the word and I can go check the place out for you, to see what they have and for how much.

    • vakadesign January 7, 2010 at 3:38 pm #

      All jewelry recon must be performed wearing a trenchcoat, fedora and a wig. Use the camera in your watch, and if anyone tails you then push the button on the pen Q gave you. It turns into a plane.

      • Lori January 7, 2010 at 4:00 pm #

        Thanks, Andrea!

        I grew up in the Midwest (south of the Black Hills) and have always wanted to live in Montana! I’m currently a West Coast inhabitant – but I feel like a square peg in a triangle hole! 😉

        It’s very cool to see your reply to me here – if I get a hankering for more gems, I’ll definitely give you the word, especially since you have awesome instructions and the pen from Q.

        Thanks!

  3. Lori January 6, 2010 at 6:11 pm #

    I have so much fun reading your posts!

    I was stationed in Germany whilst I was in the Army (many, many moons ago), and I can remember a local pointing out a burial mound – it was actually a visceral site – I mean – I just felt that burial mound to my core!

    I can TOTALLY imagine you buried in a jewel chest or, as you said, the world’s largest gem setting.

    Thanks for continuing to provide eye candy for me. I love it! I might just have to contact you to see if you can transform a few pieces of mine. That’s be groovy!

    Keep rockin’ the design world!

    P.S. My hubbie is enamored with Yogo Canyon sapphires, the non-heat treated form preserve the natural color. They are beauties! I bought him some loose stones from a Montana mine for Xmas. Have you seen these gems before?

    • vakadesign January 7, 2010 at 3:35 pm #

      That visceral feeling….isn’t that weird? If you hadn’t known what the mound was, do you think you would have gotten the same feeling?

      I’ve felt that way at old European churches and cathedrals and ruins before, and I’ve walked away wondering why I’ve felt what I’ve felt. Is it a sensing of spirit; a recognition of something lingering, a primal reaction to something intangible? Or is it simply an emotional reaction to an ancient man-made space; an acknowledgement that we are in the presense of something which puts time and humanity in perspective? Hmm.

      I think transforming old pieces into new is something everyone should do!

      Montana and Yogo Canyon sapphires…..I didn’t know about them until I read your comment! And then I spent hours and hours searching and reading…… Oy. Very, very cool. One of the articles said that the dike of solidified magma in which they are found “runs roughly east-west for almost five miles in a line straight enough to be perceived easily from the air.” Now I need to go check this out on Google Earth, because that’s just cool. I’m such a nerd. Thank you for telling me about that, Lori!

  4. Jenny January 6, 2010 at 10:51 am #

    Newgrange is one of my favourite places in the world and it has one of the best walls I’ve ever seen, white quartz studded with smooth river stones – good choice for a burial mound!

    • vakadesign January 7, 2010 at 3:16 pm #

      Jenny,

      When I have my own personal burial mound, a la Newgrange, but gem-ier, you can totally be buried there too, if you’d like! Maybe all of your heart-broken lovers can do something extra special for you. An obelisk or something? A nice gem-encrusted pathway up to the mound?

      This could be a group mound, but by invitation only. We don’t want it getting common.

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