Flames of glory

So.  My torch burst into flames, and I think I’m done working for the day.   Not flames coming from the torch where they’re supposed to come from the torch, but just general flames.  Like a ball of fire, and that, blogosphere, is not the way torches are supposed to work.  No, sir!

On the upside, I now know the answer to the question people everywhere are always asking themselves: “What would you do if something you were holding suddenly burst into flames?”

You throw the f**ker.  Just toss it across your studio.  And as soon as it lands, it occurs to you that this could get much, much worse, very quickly.  And then you think, “F**K!  I never bought a fire extinguisher!”  And then you grab a huge sketch pad, scoop up the fireball, run outside and fling it into the front yard, saying “f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!”

And while you are doing all this, your children have instantly gathered –so quickly it might be magic– upon hearing the work “F*ck!”  And they pepper you with questions as you scoop up the fireball and run from the house.

“Mom, why did you say f*ck?”

“Matt, you said f*ck!  You can’t say f*ck!”

“Mom said it!  Mom why did you say–  Is that on fire?”

“Why is your torch on fire?  Is that why you said f*ck?”

“Riii! You yelled at me when I said f*ck, and you just said it!”

“Is it supposed to do that?”

“Be careful, Mom! What happened?!”

“Where are you going?”

“She’s throwing it!  Oh, COOL!”

One would think it impossible to ask this many questions in what couldn’t have been more than ten seconds, but with Bob as my witless, it can be done.  Anyone who has met my children will attest to their mad skillz with the questioning.

But the best part is that it’s two Sundays before Christmas, and so several neighbors are outside putting up their Christmas lights as you emerge from your house saying  “f*ck,f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck,” to toss a flaming object into the yard, where it explodes when it hits the ground.  And, bless them, they are so used to seeing you do things like this that it doesn’t even phase them, and after the flames subside, they wave and call out, “Hey Katie!  How you doing?”

I’m doing well, thanks.


8 thoughts on “Flames of glory

  1. Well, thank the good Lord above you didn’t get hurt and neither did the boys. Yes, children and the F-word. What makes them leave what they are doing the moment a parent uses that word? I used it the other day in front of Paige and her friend Anna. I try not to use it, however, some situations DO require the correct expletive and sometimes that is the F-word. I believe you used it correctly, especially in the ball of fire situation you found yourself in recently. I used the sh#t word yesterday in front of Wyatt as we came to a sliding, swerving halt yesterday at a red light. Gotta love a town that doesn’t plow and uses dirt and rocks instead of salt, to keep their citizens safe on the roads, when it is -7 on the outside thermometer. However, Wyatt was pleased with my driving skills and promptly called his friend to brag about my driving skills and then called his father, my husband, who wasn’t as impressed, just glad I didn’t hurl us into the mighty Missouri River or into any object. Saints be praised!

  2. So, my psychic abilities tell me you might need to borrow my torch.

    Actually I walked in the door to be greeted by three increasingly interesting messages.
    1. My torch is acting weird. Can I borrow yours?
    2. My torch is doing very badly. Please bring yours down.
    3. My torch just caught on fire and I threw it without thinking that throwing a flaming object filled with liquid butane might be a poor decision. When you come home can you let me use your torch?

    So, I’ll just bring that puppy down in the morning, what say?

  3. This is a gem of a post! Love it!

    While I don’t have kids, I have a penchant to toss flaming objects around here and there while uttering the eff word. (And, no, I’m not a flaming-stick juggler.)

    I’ve been following you for awhile now – so thanks for a great blog with beautiful eye candy. I’m looking forward to getting some of your bling someday in the not-to-distant future.

    Keep up the great work!

    1. Lori,

      What are these flaming objects you are tossing?! And most importantly, pictures of the tossing?

      Flaming objects….. One of the things I love most about goldsmithing is how basic it is: gold, heat, force. The nature and limitations of these things must be respected in order to work the gold into something beautiful.

      And one of the thoughts which flashed through my mind as this was going on? In failing to replace my fire extinguisher, I had forgotten to respect the fire, and that was very, very stupid, wasn’t it?

      My bling in the not-so-distant future….. I’m glad you like my work! Thank you!

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