Incredibly helpful

30 Nov

My hair has always been very fine;  fine little strands, but enough of them to give me a healthy head of hair.  Nothing extravagant, but enough.

This past year, though, has been hard on my hair.   Hormonal issues, quite a bit of extra stress, and a few rounds of poisoning myself in the studio have left me with significantly less hair than I’ve ever had before.  I don’t like it.  I might even be a bit obsessed with worrying about it.

I’ve read everything I can find about hair loss, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.  My reading has led me to biotin, but the biotin isn’t working quickly enough and so now I’m reading up on everything from laser brushes to hair transplants.  I’m planning ahead to when I’m as bald as a cue ball,  wondering if I’ll feel comfortable wearing my baldness proudly a la James Carville, or if my vanity will require me to wear a wig.

On the off-chance that my hair does plan on growing back and thickening up,  I’ve cut it back to shoulder length to wait out the new growth, and last week decided to buy some volumizing products.   Rusk Thick smelled the best and seemed the least goopy, and so I used it on Thanksgiving.   First,  this product works by giving your hair a bit of texture and making it appear fuller than it would on its own.  Then, it works to bring on an allergic reaction which makes your scalp feel as if someone has rubbed it with sandpaper, and then your hair falls out.  If this is what it’s supposed to do?  It’s awesome!

And so, with less hair than I had this time last week, I drove Jake to school this morning.  Since Jake’s car accident,  I don’t mind occasional mornings when I need to drive him to school unless there is an overeager, newly licensed teen driver riding up my car’s butt, as there was this morning.  The kid was so close it was distracting.

“Dude,” I say to my rearview mirror,  “BACK OFF.”

I tap the brakes, and he seems to take this as a throw down and moves in closer.

“You little jerk!”  And out of spite I slow down a bit.   I’m a woman going bald, and I’m not to be messed with.

“My hair does not need this. Look at this,” I say to Jake, holding up a thin hank of my hair,  “Speed Racer back there is making me molt.  Between the poisoning and the molting… Oy.”

“The toxins stay in your hair, ” offers Jake, “on CSI they test hair samples to see if people have been poisoned.  And that’s how they know when people have died of arsenic poisoning.  It’s in the hair.”

We’ve pulled into the school drop-off line, and so I turn and stare at him.  He grins and nods slowly to the laid-back rhythm in his head.

“Sure.  They got poisoned with things that didn’t make their hair fall out.  I’m going to go bald and then I will die.  There won’t be anything left to test!”  I’ve intentionally missed his point because I’m bitter that there are corpses with better hair than mine.  And this isn’t about science, this is about my head.

After a moment’s silence, Jake offers, “plants grow when you yell at them.”

Huh.

Another moment.

“Maybe we should get Matt to yell at your hair.”  Matt does a fair amount of yelling, and contrary to what Jake has suggested I don’t think more yelling would be helpful to my hair.  I suspect it has not been so far.

“But it’s really the CO2  the plants like. ” Jake adds. “When you yell at them, you’re giving them CO2.  They love it.”

“Like, how much do you have to yell at the plants for it to make a difference?”

“Two, three hours a day,” said Jake. “It’s a commitment.”  Another grin and he hops out of the car, he’s gone.

Later, I tell Karen of this conversation.

“So,” I finish, “Jake feels that if I had leaves, yelling at my head would be very helpful. ”

“Well,” she says, “when you yell at the cat, his fur stands straight up.  And when animals are cold…..  What YOU need is to be scared and cold all the time, and your hair will seem really full and thick!”

I don’t think they’re taking this seriously.

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4 Responses to “Incredibly helpful”

  1. andrea December 2, 2009 at 2:59 pm #

    That is a relief, after I sent the dreads idea, I wasn’t sure you would take a shine to it. Yes, my sister is a very smart, caring, funny and fabulous lady and I heart her too, she is always looking out for other people she cares about. You know when I lived in California the SECOND time, I was getting my hair done in an updo for the Air Force Ball. Don’t get too excited, the only fun at the ball is the people watching. All the men wear pretty much the same thing, so you have to entertain yourself with watching the ladies and what their dresses look like. Some women obviously do not own mirrors, while others do and make use of them prodigiously. If I was gutsy and mean enough to ruin their evening out, I would definitely pull them discreetly aside and ask them, “What were you thinking when you got dressed tonight?” I digress, I asked the stylist who was updoing my hair about another girl in the salon with really neat dreadlocks and how long does it take for your hair to become that way. She told me that you could have it done by a hairdresser. Who knew?! So, remember it is always an option.

  2. andrea December 1, 2009 at 8:28 pm #

    Oh dear. Katie, you have gorgeous hair and Jake is right about toxins coming out through your hair, one of the medicines I am on comes out through my fingernails. I look like I have had a french tip manicure, done by someone severly dyslexic, or legally blind. Just keep letting the new, healthy vibrant hair keep growing, but trim off the old stuff on a regular basis. Before you know it, everything will be back to normal. That is my Pollyanna side talking. Try to avoid poisoning yourself in your studio, that would be awful. Anyway, corpses absolutely do NOT have better hair then you. I just want you to know, you are not alone, I would be doing exactly what you are doing, worrying and wondering how I would look in a wig. I have to admit my own vanity as well. Wait I just had a brilliant idea… what about dredlocks? huh? Huh? You so would ROCK in that type of hairstyle.

    • vakadesign December 1, 2009 at 9:54 pm #

      I would LOVE dreads! I’ve always loved little tiny dreads. Or! A really loose, shaggy afro. If I had courser, curly hair? It would be so out of hand. It would be all-over-the-place wicked crazy.

      Poisoning myself……I haven’t poisoned myself since Valerie was here. She felt I was not taking my ventilation seriously enough, and she made me buy a big ol’ air filtration tower. Like, the high-rise of filtration towers, and it sits right next to my soldering board. I feel better now. She was right, as she usually is. I heart her.

  3. sandysays1 November 30, 2009 at 6:59 pm #

    The pointer down the street was losing his hair, but since he started rolling in road kill its starting to grow back. I don’t know if it works for humans, but if you decide to try I suggest lots of Fabreze. Sandy
    http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com

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