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Spit my flow

“Mom, I’m gonna download an explicit song on iTunes, is that ok?”

I appreciate Jake asking.  At eighteen, I’m not worried about the choices he makes in music, but we only have one computer and he knows that whatever he downloads is available to my two younger boys, too.

“What is it,” I ask, “is it really bad, or not that big a deal?”

“Well, it…’s not the lyrics I like, it’s the music.  It’s not that bad.  But I don’t really listen to the words.”

Ah, verbal shuffling and vagueness.  Now my curiosity is peaked. When Jake gets vague I can’t help but go digging for more information, because there is usually really good stuff right under the surface.

“Huh.  What is the song, honey?”

“It’s just a rap song.  I just like how it sounds.  I don’t even know the lyrics.”

“Well, why don’t you let me help you with that?  Here, let’s look them up, and then you’ll know!  Now what’s the song called?”

“It’s by Drake, and it’s on the soundtrack for the new LeBron James documentary.”

“And it’s called….?

“It’s actually a bunch of rappers.”


“Eminem, L’il Wayne, Kanye….”

“Oooh, this should be good,” I say, ” but what’s it called?”

He tells me the song is “Forever,” and I pull up the lyrics on a site called   I start reading and nearly choke on the tea I’m drinking.

“Oh, these are goooood.  Wow.  You know what?  We should rap this out to get a better idea of how it goes.”

“No, ” says Jake, “please don’t.”

“No, no, really, honey.  It would be a shame to only appreciate the music and beat and miss the lyrics.”

And so I begin rapping every word below, even the lines that read, “lyrics courtesy of”

What has come to be acceptable in lyrics is never quite as much so when your mother is spittin’  it.  When I rap ” i stuck my d-ck inside this life until that b-tch came,” it makes the boy cringe, and tips him over the edge into hilarity.   The comments I stop to make while I rap don’t help, and by the time I’m done Jake is collapsed on the floor, laughing.

I wait for him to catch his breath, and I ask him, “Seriously?  Seriously, dude?”

“Mom,” he says, “I just. Like. The music.”

“Jake honey, there are so many things I could say about this song, I don’t even know where to begin. ”

“So I’m gonna buy it, ok?”

“You may NOT buy this song, ” I say, and Jake looks shocked.  He hadn’t really been asking my permission to begin with.  I’ve never told him not to download a song before.

“It’s not that it’s explicit,” I say,  “I won’t let you buy this song because it’s the most STUPID-ASS thing I have ever heard.”

Mz. Stinz in the building, spitting her flow.

The lyrics (courtesy of   My mid-rap asides to Jake are in blue, Jake’s comments in red.

Drake – Forever Lyrics (Feat Lil Wayne, Kanye West and Eminem)

It may not mean nothing to y’all,
but understand nothing was done for me,
so i don’t plan on stopping at all,
I want this sh-t forever man, ever man, ever man, Please stop. You’re really bad.
I’m shutting sh-t down in the mall,
and telling every girl she the one for me,
and i aint even planning to call,  That is not nice, you know that right? Yes, Mom.
i want this sh-t forever man, ever man, ever man,

Last name ever,
first name greatest,
like a sprained ankle boy I ain’t nuttin to play with,
it started off local but thanks to all the haters,  You’re not saying it in the right rhythm.  I’m makin’ it my own, yo!
i know G4 pilots on a first name basis,
and your city faded off to brown, Nino,
she insists she got more class, we know!
swimming in the money come and find me, Nemo, Oh, come ONHe rhymed Nemo?
if i was at the club you know I ball’d, Kimo,
drop the mixtape that sh-t sounded like an album
who’d have thought a country wide tour would be the outcome
labels want my name beside the X like Malcolm Malcolm is rolling in his grave right now.  Malcolm would have said this was a stupid song.
everybody got a deal, I did it without one,
yeah n-gga i’m about my business,
killing all these rappers you would swear I had a hit list,
everyone who doubted me is asking for forgiveness,
if you aint been a part of it at least you got to witness,


[Kanye West]
Ever ever, Mr West is in the Building,  I’m totally announcing that  I’m in the building every time I talk from now on.
Aint no question who about to kill em,
I used to have hood dreams,
big fame, big chains,
i stuck my d-ck inside this life until that b-tch came,  (strangled cry from Jake)  Uh-huh, brother, I said it.

I went hard all fall like the ball teams,
just so I can make it rain all spring,
y’all seen my story my glory,
i had raped the game young,
you can call it statutory,
when a n-gga blow up they gon build statues for me
old money Benjamin Button, whaat, nuttin,
now superbad chicks giving me mcLovin,
you would think I ran the world like Michelle’s husband,
you would think these n-ggas would know me when they really doesn’t
like they was down with the old me no you f-cking wasn’t,
your’e such a f-cking loser,
he didn’t even go to class Bueller,
trade the Grammy plaques just to have my granny back,
lyrics courtesy of  Mom, that’s not part of the song.  It’s here. I rap it.
remember she had that bad hip like a fanny pack,  Like a fanny pack.
chasing that stardom would turn you into a maniac,
all the way in Hollywood and I can’t even act,
they pull their cameras out and God damn they snap,
I used to want this thing forever y’all can have it back,


[Lil Wayne]

Ok, hello its da martian,
space jam Jordan’s,
I want this sh-t forever wake up and smell the Garden,
fresher than the harvest
step up to the target,
if i had one guess than I guess im just New Orleans,
and I will never stop like i’m running from the cops,
hop up in my car and told my chauffeur “to the top”,
life is such a f-cking roller coaster then it drops,
but what should I scream for this is my theme park,
my minds shine even when my thoughts seem dark,
pistol on my side you don’t wanna hear that thing talk,  I think he went to the University of Houston.  Lotta gun play there, I guess.
let the king talk check the price and pay attention,
Lil Wayne thats what they got to say or mention,
lyrics courtesy of   Mom.
Im like Nevada in the middle of the summer,
i’m resting in the lead I need a pillow and a cover,
shhh, my foots sleeping on the gas,
no brake pads no such thing as last,   OK, that was the best one so far.  And L’il Wayne is kind of cute.  But he needs to learn to keep his pants on.  He had, like, 35 kids this year.



There they go packing stadiums
as Shady spits his flow,  I’m using that one, too.

nuts they go, macadamia they go so balistic whoa,  Macadamia.  Macadamia?
we can make them look like boso’s,
he’s wondering if he should spit this slow,
f-ck no go for broke,
his cup just runneth over oh no
he aint had a buzz like this since the last time that he overdosed,
they’ve been waiting patiently for Pinnochio to poke his nose,
back into the game and they know,
rap will never be the same as before,
bashing in the brains of these hoes,  That is not nice.
and establishing a name as he goes,
the passion and the flame is ignited,
you can’t put it out once we light it,
this sh-t is exactly what the f-ck that i’m talking about when we riot,
you dealin with a few true villians
who stand inside of the booth truth spillin,
lyrics courtesy of
and spit true feelings, til our tooth fillings come flying up out of our mouths who knew rapping was so hard on your dental work?  I spit my true feelings all the time, and my dental work is rarely damaged.
now rewind it
payback muthaf-cka for the way that you doubted me so how’s it taste?
when I slap the taste out your mouth with the bass so loud that it shakes the place,
i’m hannibal lecter so just in case your thinking of saving face,
you aint gonna have no face to save by the time Im through with this place,
so Drake….  OHhh!  Drake’s gonna be in the building now!



10 thoughts on “Spit my flow

  1. ohmylord – i’ve been laughing so hard at your commentary that I had a coughing fit. and then had to explain to the rest of my office why.


    if I ever have kids I will 100% do this to them.

  2. If you don’t mind I think I will copy you and announce myself everytime I enter a building with children in tow. I really think that is absolutely BRILLIANT! What an ego boost, everyone will look my way, I can just see my next trip to the commissary on base, as soon as those doors slide open I will effect a very British and Regal tone to my voice and let everyone know, that I have arrived. I am sure the Wing Commander will LOVE to hear about my, shall we say, “delusion of grandeur.” However, I did make the five o’clock news here in Great Falls, Montana, so I guess that does make me a television icon, what do you think?

    1. I’m not sure the British and regal is the way to go. I think you kind of need to rap, “Big A in the commissary, spittin’ her flow. Goin’ nuts in here, macadamia, whoa!”

      This will reflect well on you and your family. Does the Wing Commander’s wife enter buildings in this way? No. Any complaints from him will be due to jealousy.

      I’m totally doing this when I stop by the boys’ schools.

  3. I’m speechless. More from disorientation than from shock. This is why a rapper will never write the great American novel. This is like ADHD set to a beat.

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