clarification

5 Aug

After yesterday’s post I received several comments regarding how to keep names straight when dating more than one person.  Thank you, but that wasn’t quite what I meant.  Although Karen’s suggestion to call all men “Tiger” was very helpful, and Jonolan?  I’m just worried.

Upon reflection I suppose my real question is this:  is it reasonable to expect ourselves to date multiple people at once, keeping it light?  Most people would agree it’s a good idea, but not many date this way, do they? Why not?

Does casually dating several people at once run counter to our emotional instincts? I think we know fairly quickly when we really like someone, and we naturally focus on them. Others would become extraneous at this point, and we’d really need to push ourselves to continue dating them.

But it’s at that very moment, the moment we’d begin to focus on one, that dating more than one person would be good for us;  it would diversify our attention, causing us to slow down and not get swept away with our feelings.   And no one keeps dating multiple people at that point, do they?

Dating multiple people seems to be something which can be kept up for more than a few dates only if we aren’t very interested in any of them.  In which case, why are we still seeing them?

It’s all so confusing.

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2 Responses to “clarification”

  1. andrea August 6, 2009 at 3:28 pm #

    I personally have never dated multiple people for my lack of confidence and general neuroses (sp?). I always saw myself as a serial monogamous person, could only handle one relationship at a time. After many lost months and years committed to one person, only to finally come to the conclusion that they were a total dud and not really what I was looking for in a significant other. I did some soul searching and decided I was okay without a guy in my life and then my husband, to this day, landed in my lap. What a surprise that was to me. So, ultimately, if I had to do it all over again, I would date/court several people calling them all honey or dear until I knew the right one had arrived and then I would make it a point to call him by his given name and gracefully extricating myself from all the other honeys and dears, problem solved.

  2. Hayden Tompkins August 5, 2009 at 1:57 pm #

    Hm. I was dating multiple people when I met Chris and I just immediately KNEW. I dropped every guy within a week.

    I actually think that dating (courting!) multiple people at once is a good thing but, I think you’re right, once you deeply connect with someone I don’t know if it is very feasible.

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