I’ve decided to start dating, and I’m a little torn about this.
There are several little voices inside my head. Some are excited to meet new people (“yeahhh! Flirting!”), some are terrified (“it’ll never work out well, it’ll never work out well, it’ll never….”), some are cynical (” and the point of this is…….?”), and some are neurotic (“no one will ever love meeeeee!”). Most of these voices just need to zip it.
It might not work out well, but in the end it usually does. I’ve dated some really great guys through the years, and regret very little.
The point of this is that I might have a great time getting to know someone new, and I might meet someone who is so cool I want to keep him around. I like men. I like their perspectives, and I like men who can communicate those perspectives. I like men who are comfortable with themselves, because those are the men who are comfortable with me. I like deep voices and stubbly faces, and ….dang, men are just cute.
Of course someone will love me. In my neurotic moments I imagine I’m a love pariah, but those moments pass because there is nothing real to sustain them. Many men have loved me, and I’ve loved a lot of them, too. The trick is two people loving each other in the way each of them needs, and it happens all around me everyday. It’s possible.
But the excited voice does pop up more than the others (“Flirting! While wearing pretty earrings and drinking wine! I’m totally going to need some new high heels!”) and I’ve decided to listen to it.
I think I should date several people at the same time, keeping all of it light. This is a good idea, in theory. This will maximize the positive (isn’t it fun to meet new people and wear lipstick?), and minimize the negative (there is no point to this, which is fine because it will never work out anyway because no one will ever love meeeeeee).
The problem with this? Last Sunday I thought it was Monday….I don’t go to the mall because I lose my car….. Am I really capable of dating several men at once and keeping all their what what straight? Not likely, blogosphere. When I’ve done this in the past I end up calling men by the wrong names, and the lesson I’ve learned? Even when men are aware that you are seeing others, they really don’t like it when you call them by the wrong names.