I got me some legs

15 Jul

“The boys and I measured our torsos and legs,” I tell Karen, ” and I still have the smallest torso to leg ratio. I’m a long-legged freak, but Riley is a close second.  He might beat me in the end.”

“I have never met a family who measures their body parts the way you people do.”

She’s right.

We measure things around here, and Riley’s recent growth spurt–all in his legs and arms–prompted a new round.  We’ve measured ears (Jake has the biggest), measured shoulder width (Riley wins), we’ve measured our biceps (I’m a metalworking mutant), wingspan (call me monkey girl), lips, eyes (Matt’s are huge), noses, heads.  Often we measure out of curiosity, sometimes to assuage fears.

Jake was convinced one ear was freakishly larger than the other.  It’s not.  I was positive my lips were shrinking AND THEY TOTALLY ARE.  Soon I will have no lips left at all, and small children will point and cry when Katie The Lipless Wonder walks by.  It’ll be so sad.

I’m surprised others don’t do this.  When you worry that gravity has tugged your breasts far from their original position, how can measuring their proximity to your shoulders bring you any peace at all when you haven’t been measuring all along?  Doesn’t everyone do this?

Measuring lets me let go of a few of my neuroses, and let me tell you, every little bit helps.

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5 Responses to “I got me some legs”

  1. Jean July 20, 2009 at 7:54 pm #

    I think they’re called Spanx…which I did buy for a clingy dress and spent most of the time laughing my fat behind off trying to get into them!

  2. Jean July 17, 2009 at 1:08 pm #

    :)) but they must be hot! (of course, no pun intended).

    • vakadesign July 17, 2009 at 3:26 pm #

      Hmm. I don’t think I’d notice if my boobs were hot. I mean, I’ve never said, “wow, my breasts are really burning up.”

      We’re also going to need to find a product which lifts our asses. That might require something with a lot of adhesive, and a lot of surface area.;)

  3. Jean July 16, 2009 at 3:17 pm #

    LOL! Sorry when I hit 50 I stopped measuring and try not to look!

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