Personal Entries

Car talk

Yesterday I drove halfway to New Jersey to meet Mike, pick up the boys and bring them home.

Here are some of things I was surprised at having to say to the wee children as we drove:


“OK. New funeral rule: no telling “your mom” jokes to your father on the day of his mother’s funeral.”



“Stop! Do not retaliate in the car!  When you get home you can hit him in the head.  I promise.”



“Honey, I can’t discuss Ivy League schools with you while you have chocolate on your face.”



‘OK.  Second new funeral rule:  Do not pick the eyeballs out of the smoked fish on the kosher buffet.  People will think you are troubled.”



“RILEY. No!  Stop!  DO NOT PEE IN THAT BOTTLE RILEY STEIN.  DO NOT!  Stop it. I am serious!  No peeing in bottles.”



“I’m not rejecting you, I’m just telling you to be quiet.”



“Third rule: Do not leave your little brother alone outside playing basketball with the strange funeral crasher who doesn’t seem to know who died.”



“Don’t threaten truckers.  If you lived in L.A. you’d be dead by now.”







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