The damn cat and his lover

25 Apr

You know, I’ve been trying to warm up to the damn cat.  I try to see his good qualities, because my son loves him so much.  At the moment I’m struggling with seeing the good.

Yesterday the cat and his life-partner, Naked Build-A-Bear, insisted on going public with their love.  As I’ve explained before, I don’t have a problem with their relationship, but I do have a don’t ask/don’t tell policy.   Today, though, the cat was insistent upon having a public love-in.

As I worked on the computer, the cat dragged his bear near to me and started making the sweet, sweet love to it.  Just no. I picked the bear up and tossed it into another room, only to have the whole act repeated.  Drag the bear to me, start with the freaky mojo, I toss the bear, and the whole cycle repeats.  Several times.  The cat was adamant.

Why?  Why did the venue for cat-bear sex need to be right next to me? Does the cat just love his family so much that he wants to be near me?  Did I play some kinky part in his cat fantasy?  Because, blogosphere, I am really, really, not comfortable with that.

Finally, I picked up the cat and grabbed his sex toy by the ear, took them both upstairs, and shut them in a bedroom.  Their passion was such that it couldn’t wait another minute, and after a half hour of cat-moaning, there was silence.  A little later, he meowed to be freed from his love shack.  I went up, opened the door, and came back down and returned to my work.

Slowly, he dragged the Naked Build-A-Bear downstairs to me, gave it a few post-coital licks, and then flopped, spent, on the floor beside it.  A moment later he stood up and vomited, then lay back down and went to sleep.

Sometimes I hate him.


9 Responses to “The damn cat and his lover”

  1. anwa May 30, 2010 at 8:55 pm #

    This makes me rethink my want to buy a cat when I finally move into my own apartment… I like my Build-A-Bears un-catsexed, thanks.

  2. MistressKathE May 29, 2010 at 2:59 am #

    OMG!!!! You are too funny my family thinks I am going nuts laughing.

  3. Carla May 23, 2009 at 2:08 pm #

    I currently live w/ four cats (3 male and 1 female)….and none of them have ever “enjoyed” any stuffed animal or toy of any sort in any kind of similar manner as your cat. The chihuahua on the other hand…..

    • vakadesign May 23, 2009 at 3:09 pm #

      Carla, clearly you need my cat to fill this niche in your life. I will mail him to you.

  4. candice April 28, 2009 at 7:05 am #

    omg, you crack me up! 😀

    • vakadesign April 28, 2009 at 10:09 am #

      I think my favorite part was the vomiting.

  5. Jean April 26, 2009 at 4:06 am #

    He is doing it in front of you because he knows how much you loathe him and to piss you off……..I know I have my own furry fat boy and his “companion pillow” that he carries on a lurid affair with. Now, he and I have a good relationship, we are buds. Normally he is very private about these “liaisons” but when he knows I’m under the gun to get work done, or worse having a video conference call with my boss, that he can put me over the edge by having his afternoon delight for all the world to see! Why? Because he knows it pisses me off and I could shred that pillow into a million pieces and he would just find something else to hump in plain view for the entire world to see. They know what they are doing, they know what buttons to press…..

    • vakadesign April 26, 2009 at 8:59 am #

      During a work video conference?!

      Jean, I am going to put the cat in a box with just a few airholes, and I’ll send him to you.

      • Jean April 27, 2009 at 8:39 am #

        Yes, during a word video conference (I have the luxury of working from my home)….and he’s not silent about these interludes either!!!!!

        Thanks but no thanks, I have enough issues with the beast I own…

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