I received a lot of great entries to the Baaaad Ring Contest. Some short and sweet (“the ring is a douche bag!”), some longer and more complex (the entry from the ring psychologist was great, and I deleted it by mistake). Some came with instructions to read them aloud in different accents (Russian and bad, fancy French). Some countries were well represented, others were non-contest entering kill joys. I am talking to YOU, Canada.
What it came down to was this: was it memorable? And this entry was. An epic poem about the ring, named Bob.
Bob the Ring, by Ashlee in Australia
A ring should shine with inner light,
And cause it’s maker such delight.
For one ring however, twas not to be so,
Cursed it was, and caused naught but woe.
The ring, called Bob – for the sake of simplicity,
Was designed to be a pillar of eccentricity.
A vision Bob would be, in silver and gold,
With a gleaming amethyst that would steal your soul.
In the makers mind it was an aesthetic concept,
Armed with tools and skills she was confident and adept.
So she began her task enthusiastic and benevolent,
But Bob in his nature was spiteful and malevolent.
Misfortune and trouble plagued the entire production,
More than once the maker contemplated Bobs destruction.
Bob fought back, as if he somehow suspected,
He would be no minor piece to become forgotten and neglected.
Bob yearned to be his own shiny figure of brilliance
Any attempts at change by the maker were met with resilience.
The maker, dismayed by such a creation,
Decided to seek compensation.
A contest was designed for the polymetallic treasure,
A cunning plan to rid her of her displeasure.
Bob, who had hurt her so bloodily,
Was doomed to be given away for free.
The maker won her battle in her wisdom so sage,
She had refused to give in to Bob and his suckage.
So Bob was given away and became all that he could,
For it turned out he was not a bad ring at all, only misunderstood.
I love how much thought she put into this, and how many references to past posts she used. Too funny, and I loved it.
Ashlee in Australia, the ring is yours, and I hope you enjoy it. When you get the ring, can you and your friends take it out for a beer, and have one for me?
Bob, who is only misunderstood